2nd Draft of script

Target audience: In order to see whether our film opening appealed to our target audience we showed them a brief animatic of our opening and also asked them questions regarding our animatic such as what could we change and what we have achieved. We recorded their feedback as seen in the video below.

From their feedback we have made several changes. 

We have decided to include establishing shots of the local area to create a tone and to familiarise the viewer with the setting.

We have decided to change the costume of our secondary male character from a hoodie to suit to keep inline with the traditions of neo-noir.

We have also decided to keep our secondary characters identity a secret. This was a key point made by our test audience as they felt we gave too much away in our opening. Therefore in order to create a greater sense of intrigue and mystery we are not going to show his face.

We also in order to create a greater sense of character have gave our ancillary character a limp this not only makes him a unique character but also adds to the sense if intrigue and mystery pivotal to a neo-noir

We have decided to change the news website to a podcast which is reporting the news this was done not only for practical reasons such as being easier to film but also to further modernise the scenario and make it more relatable to our audience.

Due to this amendments we have altered the script.

ALTERED SCRIPT(2nd draft): Fade into a panning shot of an old decrepit orange hall. Then cut to a low angled shot of a large tower block and then fade to a panning shot of storage lockers (What appears to be a radio broadcast of the news can be heard throughout whilst titles appear in the bottom left hand corner). We then cut to a wide shot of our protagonist Rachel O’Hara walking through the underpass shilouetted. We then cut to an over the shoulder shot of her leaving the tunnel. we then transition to a low angled shot of Rachel who is visibly anxious. Then we transition to a wide shot of Rachel going to sit on a bench in an empty park. We then cut to an over the shoulder shot of an unknown man approaching the bench whilst dark ominous music plays. His face is not revealed to the viewer until both are sitting down. then transition to a two shot of both Rachel and the unknown man sitting at the bench.

He asks: You Rachel?

Rachel: Yes, Do you have any news on where she is?

Unknown Man: Like i said on the Phone its gonna take some time but i’ve got a lead.

(focus pull onto a note he takes out of his pocket)

Unknown man: Meet me at this address at 9 o’clock and don’t be late. (lights a cigarette and then leaves)

The last shot is A wide shot of Rachel sitting on the bench alone struggling to come to grips with her situation.